The rest of Everest
Now that the dust has settled, here are a few more images that capture the story:Ferocious wind on the summit push
The Thrill Is Gone
I really thought a summit photo would accompany this post. After about a dozen expeditions, I’d been looking toward a mastery-level capstone to my personal exploration at high altitude. Instead, with the odds stacked in my favor, I ended up turning back from Everest as I just didn’t feel up to the task mentally. And instead of grave disappointment at turning down yet another chance to summit an 8000m peak with oxygen, I guess I just feel tired and indifferent.
The summit bid started off well enough. I’d managed to stay healthy all expedition unlike most of my teammates and I’d been eating really well and not losing much weight. I was noticeably stronger and healthier than the previous rotation. I should mention that the climbing conditions were incredibly windy…the kind of windy that reminds you you’re on an 8000er and that there’s no room for error.
Things only started to get hard for me at camp 3, where it was hard to keep my toes warm even in my sleeping bag. In the early morning before climbing to camp 4, we were rushed to get packed but then had to wait. The hurry up and wait game was the last straw for my toes, and even after rubbing them warm I knew I’d be battling with them all day. Something eerily similar happened in the exact same spot in 2013, where I ended up waiting several hours shivering alone in the dark without a sleeping bag. Another wrinkle was the huge group of climbers who’d apparently gotten the same forecast as us…at least a hundred climbers strung out on the Lhotse face above me.
I started climbing but quite soon out of my tent I just didn’t have it mentally. Didn’t have the will to push through the long day ahead, let alone climb all through the night and into the summit day. Furte insisted the apathy was due to lack of oxygen so I begrudgingly took him up on the offer to go on the bottle. He pushed me to try and I’ll at least say that the effect of oxygen is quite noticeable. The aches in your legs disappear into blissful nothingness. But the drudgery is still there in force, not to mention the awkwardness and dissociated feeling of climbing behind the mask. The oxygen also cleared the fog and made the commercial zoo aspects of the mountain come into focus. After 20-30 minutes of climbing and lots more deliberation, I decided that we turn down.
I should have known. Whenever I’ve needed them, the mountains have always delivered. But going to Everest really is much more of a Disneyland experience than the alpine exploration I crave.
A few more thoughts:
- Climbing Everest is really hard. Oxygen makes it possible for nearly all of today’s summiters (8000 ascents with oxygen but only 200 without), but they all have to push through the countless challenges of an expedition.
- Am I done with 8000ers? I can’t say I am, but if I do it will still be without oxygen. But I really am ready for some more unique adventures. I’m thinking bikepacking, range crossings, range circumnavigations, first ascents, quality alpine climbs, and of course aesthetic lines on Sierran granite.
Here’s to more adventures in 2018 and beyond…good luck!Hari
Rotation
I haven't been posting much to focus on my health and the mountain. In the meantime, we've been busy, completing our acclimatization rotations and fully readying ourselves for the summit bid. Now we're all waiting in base camp, going on daily hikes to maintain fitness, and trying to come up with creative ways to deal with the boredom. I've managed to stay quite healthy though I do have a horrible case of "batman neck" as I must have slept funny last night.
I'd give myself a "B" on the acclimatization rotation. Given that I'm attempting without oxygen, my goal was to sleep at camp 3 and climb potentially as high as the Yellow Band at 25,000 ft. The camp 3 trip with Furtemba went fine, though I just felt flat between camp 2 and 3. The next morning, the effort of just putting on my boots was an ordeal and I had a couple dizzy spells that really convinced me we should be going down. Fortunately, just a drop of a couple hundred meters and my body and mind started coming back.
Now we're playing the waiting game. The main issue here is the weather, with high winds blasting the upper mountain until the 9th or even 11th. There are still about two full workdays of rope fixing left on the mountain which require good weather, so looks like we're on track for a mid-May summit push. Take care,Hari
Submission
"Mountains are cathedrals: grand and pure, the houses of my religion. I go to them as humans go to worship. From their lofty summits I view my past, dream of the future, and with unusual acuity I am allowed to experience the present moment. My strength renewed, my vision cleared, in the mountains I celebrate creation. On each journey I am reborn" -Anatoli Boukreev
Once again I find myself searching for breath in the Himalaya. As I move in slow motion up the yak trail, a giant steppe eagle soars effortlessly above. I don’t know that I’ve ever encountered a bird so majestic.For nearly a year and a half, I’ve been crippled by persistent, racing negative thoughts. I’ve felt overwhelmed; pulled in too many directions by the demands and responsibilities of my life. One label I now have for this paradigm is bipolar disorder. So instead of trying to push through it (which most recently landed me in the hospital), or distracting myself while treading water, today, I submit to the highest power I can easily find: Chomolungma, Goddess Mother of the Earth, better known as Everest.And so the practice begins. I am here. I am at peace. I am alive.
“When you get in the ocean, you can’t make anything happen...When you enter the ocean you submit to what IT’s doing.” -Rob Bell
